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Fiona The Farm Shopping Center Their birth father drives you to their baptisms: He’s the chauffer. Sometimes he takes the kids to the park or to preschool because you’ve got an audience with the pope. He goes home, changes a fuse, defrosts the fridge, fixes things Game Then he knocks up your wife. To each his own, but I don’t like finding it out as a public secret. It pisses me off, the position my best friend put me in: I’m the dork who was the last to find out. I’ll tell you why he did it. Because he’s never wrong. Have you ever known Ivan to say, “I’m stupid” or “I don’t know how?” No. He never has. He’s so on top of things that he forgets what he’s on top of. He’s obviously made more of himself than any of us. He did it using his incredible will. And he thinks he’s doing it again. Wow, she’s beautiful. Very. If you think I’m having any wine you’re sadly mistaken. Evening, Paolo, how are you? Fine. Johana bought it for me. Here’s your tickets. They’re next to the president’s box; they didn’t want you there. There’s a president’s box? No. Any other questions? How about a drink after the concert? Sorry, there’s a big soirée: Grits, chitlins, and moonshine. How about just the three of us? Like old times. Great idea. Coming Game They’re waiting for me. I’ll see you after the concert. Enjoy it and try not to snore. I would like to welcome our guests today to this gala concert, which is taking place in honor of Foreign Minister Massimo da Lema’s official visit. But above all let me welcome his charming wife. And also my dear friend, Papal Nuncio Diego Causero. Ladies and gentlemen, may you enjoy the concert. I’ll go choose the wine. I help him; he doesn’t know wine. Sure. Maybe he doesn’t know. Do you know the fiasco you might cause? He’s gotta know when they last did it. Maybe Johana’s lying. Maybe they do sleep together. I’m telling you, he thinks he’s the father of his kids. Look how completely cool he is, how confident. He’s acting, man, fooling us. He’s fooling you, me, everybody. It pisses me off more all the time. Come on. Linda here offered to choose for us.